“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.” – Robert Anderson
Dear Me,
Your husband loves you. Really, he does. He sucks as a birthing partner, but he loves you.
Actually, he will be pretty good at the first one – except for the eating of the blueberry pancakes in front of you and saying “hold on a sec” when you have a contraction and he’s in the middle of a big bite. Other than that, he will say encouraging words and be pretty helpful. After the first time, however, you’re pretty much on your own.
For your second kid he will sleep for hours while you breathe through the pain unaided and get Taco Bell when you specifically asked him not to – which you will call him out on as soon as he walks back in the room (Your sense of smell when pregnant is at the level of a super power).
With the third he will tell you that complaining about it won’t make it any better.
When number four rolls around he will look at you blankly when you ask for help and demand, “What do you want me to do about it?”
Yes, Troy is not a great birthing partner. However, please keep in mind:
- That he is young and inexperienced. So are you, by the way, or you would have given him consequences for his poor choice of words (Although I’m glad you didn’t as what he deserved could have impeded future children and baby-making “practice”).
- When he feels helpless he gets snippy. He’s scared that he’s failing you. It’s this fear and helplessness that makes him short with you. The truth is, he really wishes he could find some way to make the pain go away and seeing you in it when he can do nothing about it makes him agitated.
- He gets better. Because of his guilt over the stupid things he said and did during your marathon baby making season he really spoils you later on when you get the flu, break your second toe on your left foot, and have that kidney transplant. It helps that you begin telling him what you want from him when you are sick or in pain instead of making him figure it out.
- He does eventually learn to express himself. This is when you really fall in love with him.
Stick with this guy. He really gets better – and so do you!
Love, Older Wiser You
Funny and poignant. I love the reminder of the ways you’ve both grown.